White Light

The party awoke to a pounding fist outside their inn room doors. Groggy and sleepy eyed, Orchid opened her door and poked her head out. She spied Uthlin hammering away two doors down, shouting, "Ach! I nuu yor 'in there, thieves. I bought the crown fair and square from ye and stealing it after a fair exchange was a sorry bit of dirty pool to be playin'."

In the midst of his tirade, Uthlin hadn't yet spotted Orchid who stepped out and waved a friendly greeting. "Hello there, good Uthlin. How's that pig of yours?"

The dwarf stopped mid-pound and whirled to face Orchid. His eyes narrowed down to slits and he crossed his arms in front of him as he squared his shoulders and feet to face the halfing. "Oh, he's just dandy, thanks for askin'. I suppose you'll be stealing him next, will ya? Worth a pretty penny, my sweet Uthlik, but not exactly fittin' in your pocket, is he now?"

Orchid's face scrunched in confusion. "Um, Uthlin? What are you talking about?"

"You nuu very damn well wat I'm talkin' abuut. And if yuu dunna return it right nuu, I'll put me sweet Uthlik in your pocket meself and bid him chew is way out, if ya get me meanin'."

Hair standing straight up from a particularly restful sleep, Cedric poked his head out the door. "Return what?" he asked as he smoothed his hair back. "Are you talking about the pig's leash? Because I think we returned that too."

Uthlin's face turned beet red. The dwarf lowered his arms to his side, fists clenched and took a step towards the two adventurers. Spittle shot from his moth as he shouted, "YOU NUU DAMN FOOKIN' WELL I'M NOOT TALKIN' ABOUT THE DAMN FOOKIN' LEASH. The crown, twit elf! The crown! I bought it from yuu fair and square and now i's gone and I nuu you took it!"

Orchid and Cedric looked at each other and then back at Uthlin. "Um, Uthlin, we didn't steal your crown. You see, we never sold it to you in the first place. Remember?"

Uthin's rage boiled over, but he lowered his voice as he unbuckled the axe at his hip. "Nuu, I remember no such thing. I guess we'll be doin' this the hard way then. Which is fine by me as I could use a bit of exercise."

The dwarf swung the axe at empty air and then sprang at Orchid with remarkable speed, taking the rogue so unaware, she didn't feel the axe sink into her chest until the blood began bubbling into her lungs, up her throat, out her mouth and down her chin. Cedric stopped managing his hair long enough to shriek with surprise. The mage tried to slam the door shut, but Orchid's limp body thoroughly blocked the egress, her limp head repeatedly squished between swiveling wood and the door jam. Uthlin leaped over the hafling's carcass and cornered Cedric. Queequeg sat up from a bed in the room, sleepily asking, "How's that now? What's all ruckus?"

"Quiet lizard! I've had enoof of your scaly hide to last me a life time!" Uthin hopped deftly to the bed and sunk his axe deep into the dragonborn's skull. The dwarf chortled with glee at the shattering sound. "Ahahahaha! Now that was an egg worth crackin'!" He turned to a cowering Cedric. "And nuu for the main course."

Cedric tucked his head behind his arms and wept for mercy. Uthlin laughed. "Too late for that, twig. Me axe will be tastin' your hide. I might slip and slide in your blood and guts lookin' for the crown later, but that's a price well worth payin'. Nuu say a pray to your maker! It's time to crack another egg!"

Cedric peered out from behind his sleeve. Uthlin stood directly in front of him, axe raised high. The dwarf laughed madly as he began to bring the axe down on the hapless mage. Suddenly, the room got brighter. Just as steel met skin and bone, white light washed over the entire room. Uthlin and his axe faded away in a flash. When color returned, Cedric gazed around the room. Orchid and Queequeg slumbered peacefully across from him. The mage reached up to the top of head and felt blood leaking from a mild cut. Cedric shuddered.

He exhaled, "What the fuck."